Emotional intelligence includes more than being in touch with your feelings. Parents who emphasize surface acting teach children to control their outward behaviors, not necessarily their inner feelings. Feeling rules require men and women to act a certain way, and in fear of breaking that norm, these rules stay in place. Social situations have latent feeling rules: Socially shared rules about feeling Rules apply to the direction and duration of a feeling. Roxana Harlow, a sociologist conducted extensive research on black colleges and professors. Feeling rules are meant for each individual. Our discussion of I language and you language in Chapter 4 is relevant to learning to express emotions effectively.
First the bride has to rely on a cultural understanding of what feelings can be felt; pre-acknowledged, pre-named and pre-articulated and available to be felt. Feeling rules gives us that expectancy that individuals of lower status should act in a pitiful and ashamed manner just because of their standing. In a workplace feeling rules are established and are expected to be followed, but there is a double standard on the feeling rules applied to the white workers versus black workers. Feeling rules are sometimes explicated in terms of rights and duties. Whereas, if they were in a classroom with a white professor that had made the same statement that a black professor had made previously, the white professor was not questioned and was viewed as knowledgeable. This double standard is an unfortunate consequence of the gender constructs supported by our society.
Whereas, if they were in a classroom with a white professor that made the same statement that a black professor had made previously, the white professor was not questioned and was viewed as knowledgeable. The interactive view assumes you have some power over what you feel and how you act. The emotion-management perspective draws on an interactive account of emotion. According to the cognitive labeling view of emotions, the mechanism that allows this is language. Second, social media may help us experience and express feelings. If you agree with this perspective, you are more likely to monitor your feelings and to make choices about how to communicate them. Can you recall an experience where a male was exhibiting evidence of disappointment or sadness through tears or crying? Notice that emotion work concerns the process of trying to shape how we feel, not necessarily our success in doing so.
White-collar-origin individuals reported expressing their emotions in a way that appeared to be managed; they considered their emotions before expressing them, sanitized intense and disagreeable feelings, and intellectualized their emotions. We often talk about feelings or those of others as if rights and duties applied directly to them. Another feeling rule that is learned by many Western women is to care about others. Like The Representation Project, we need to be modeling behavior that discredits feeling rules and the limiting stereotypes of masculinity for the young people in our lives. People of lower status that displayed no sense of self-pity or dissatisfaction gave people of higher status a harder time to sympathize with them thus proving that expressing shame was more effective and when anger was expressed there was little to no help being provided. Emotional labour and feeling rules Since the publication of Arlie Russell Hochschild's seminal book, The Managed Heart, about the use of the emotions in working life, particularly in the commercial service industries, a whole series of publications have followed in its wake about the increasing importance of emotional labour in different sectors of the economy. Men are allowed to express anger, which is often disapproved of in women.
Stimulus-Physiological Response-Emotion This perspective assumes that emotions are reflexes that follow from physiological actions. All human beings learn certain feeling rules, but these feeling rules may differ widely depending on the society in which one grows up and one's social position and , including gender and ethnic identity and socio-economic status. But we—not anyone else—decide what their actions mean, and we—not anyone else—are responsible for our feelings. Kasson 19th century advice books advised that smiling or laughing too much demonstrated lack of self-control lack of self-discipline. Next, select an appropriate time to discuss feelings. On the flipside, males experience feeling rules that prevent them from expressing emotions such as sadness, happiness and fear. Try or get the SensagentBox With a , visitors to your site can access reliable information on over 5 million pages provided by Sensagent.
Expressing gratitude is emphasized more than feeling grateful, and refraining from hitting someone who takes a toy is stressed more than feeling good about sharing toys. The final concept is emotion work, which is the effort to generate what we think are appropriate feelings in particular situations. Our habits and emotional skills are some of the many things we learn from our parents. Yet we may be more likely to express emotions, including ones that are socially inappropriate, when we are communicating with people we don't know personally. By showing that they are ashamed of their current standing, the people of higher status are more likely to help them out and have pity on them versus those who do not show shame or pity for their current state. Women are generally taught that anger is unattractive and undesirable in women.
Race influences and changes the way we see and view others. In a workplace, feeling rules are established and are expected to be followed, but there is a double standard on the feeling rules applied to the white workers versus black workers. If a company posts an ad about teeth whitening strips and shows how an individual was before and after using the product, it can persuade people to want to buy that product. These different interpretations would lead us to define our emotions distinctly. In a classroom setting, white students were shown to give black professors a hard time and question every statement that their professor made. Today, compared to girls, boys are four times more likely to be expelled from school for resolving conflicts with violence, and suicide being the third leading cause of death for boys.
There are contending sets of feeling rules and situations are framed differently, with different feeling rules, depending on changing ideologies. Companies and corporations see this and use it to exploit workers in order to maximize profits. Sometimes we make an ethical choice not to express emotions that would hurt another person and not achieve any positive outcome. As we have noted, what we feel and how we express it are influenced by the culture and social groups to which we belong. We talk about having the right to feel angry at someone, or that we should feel grateful. A flight attendant's job requires emotional labor. What an individual may feel on the inside may not be what is considered as normal in the eyes of society.
Feeling rules require men and women to act a certain way and in fear of breaking that norm, these rules stay in place. Berkeley: University of California Press. Individuals make gestures and exchange feeling according to a sense of what is owed and owing. You would probably find yourself not wanting to help the individual, not because his or her current situation had changed, in fact that person is still the poor individual you saw a few minutes ago, but in fact your demeanor had changed due to feeling rules. First, evaluate your current state.